It's Okay Not To Be "Getting Any": Why I Chose Abstinence

So I know some of you read the title of this post and were instantly interested. I know others may have read this title and can't believe their eyes. However, you must have been a little interested because here you are.


Is this an easy topic to talk about?

If you follow me on social media, you may have seen me talk a little bit about the fact that I have been on an abstinence journey for almost seven years. Over the course of this time, this is my first time ever writing a full post about the journey. The first time that I decided to finally talk about this topic was in a Instagram and Facebook post last year. Boy was I nervous and I mean like really nervous, because I can be a little weird when it comes to this conversation.


Why did I finally decide to make this post?

I decided to finally make this post because I was completely surprised by the positive feedback that I received from my initial post. I decided to use this title not only because it was catchy. I used it because of course people think that some people just "are not getting any", but sometimes they don't consider the fact that you don't want "to get any".


But you grew up in the church right?

Yes, I grew up in the church and we all know that its drilled into us that none of us should be having sex before we are married. If we are realistic, we know that many of us have tried to do our own thing. Even if some people are not willing to admit it, I can tell you that a lot of us have done our own thing. I can also look back and tell you that most times, our thing does not work out. Most times we find ourselves in situations that we were never meant to be in. I made a post the other day that said "when it's over, we end up hurt about something that was never even meant to be".


Why did you start this journey?

Well seven years ago, I ended up in a situation that I knew better than to get myself in. However, I was young, in college, and just living my life. Along came some guy talking all the game in the world, and I fell for it. I even had conversations with my friend, telling her that it was not a good idea. I did it anyway and ended up thinking that I was so in love. By time I realized it, I was involved with someone that was never any good for me.


How did this work out?

I started slacking in school and just letting my emotions get the best of me. Eventually I cut the situation off and a few months later I was back in it. It then took me some more time but I eventually cut it off for good. If you have never cut someone off without a final conversation, let me just tell you that you can be left with so many unanswered questions. In my case, I just wanted to go back and ask questions. However, my pride would not let me.


Why did I choose abstinence?

When I decided to choose this journey seven years ago, it was not about what was out there. This journey was more about myself. I vowed to never let myself get so involved with someone that I start losing myself. I vowed to constantly remind myself of my worth and what I deserve. I have watched so many women (friends and others) get treated horrible by people who never even deserved them. So many times we sell ourselves short for a good time. I no longer wanted to feel like I was settling, I just wanted to focus on finishing school and start life after college. I decided that I didn't have time to entertain anything or anybody that was not adding to my growth. Seven years later, I still feel the same way.


Is this a hard journey?

YES, never let anyone tell you that this is a journey that is so easy. Just the other day a friend asked me for some words of encouragement on the journey. I had to check myself because I almost said, "girl I don't have any to give". I had to remind myself that I did have something to say. I am young, single, and living in a world where it seems that everybody is messing with everybody. Sometimes I feel that I don't really have anyone to even uplift me or encourage me through the journey. So if I can be that person for someone, then I will be.


What do you hope to get from this journey?

I honestly just hope to become the best version of myself. Some people ask am I waiting to get married or what. My honest answer is that I really don't know. At this point I am not even dating anyone. I sometimes don't even want to bother because I feel that in this day in time, abstinence is a turn off to some people. Unless I go searching on (INSERTS LAUGHING FACE). I have just tried to focus on work on myself as a woman. It may sound cliche but I don't feel that enough women take that time. A lot of women jump from relationship to relationship or situtationship to situationship. Never really taking the time to learn and love themselves. No love in the world is enough, if you don't love yourself first.


What would you say to someone who wants to start this journey?

I would say that you should go for it. No, I am not running around with huge signs trying to make everyone start this journey. However, if you look around young ladies and boys are starting to have sex earlier and earlier. Some as early as middle school and they don't even know themselves. We can't tell them why they shouldn't do something, when we are constantly doing the same. How can someone who is not happy within, encourage someone else to be happy within? I just want us all to start taking back our life and stop settling. Stop settling for situations that we know are no good for us. I decided that it is no need "to be bitter when I can be better". I choose not to hold on to past hurt and instead look ahead to a better tomorrow. That is all I hope that others would do.


I hope that you all enjoyed this post, I am sorry that it started to get a little long. I would love to get your feedback and to answer any questions that you have regarding this topic. If you are not comfortable and want to submit anonymously, you can do so by clicking this link.

140 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All