Lacking Creativity: During a season of loss

Hey Yall,

So I know that I have not released much content lately. I feel like when I was just starting to get excited about getting back to work, life starting happening so fast. I announced the start of my Youtube channel which I had been putting off forever and then the sudden loss of my Pop-Pop happened. I honestly still have not recovered from this loss and I don’t know if I ever will. I will learn to live with it but accepting it has been a challenge. If you know me, then you will know that I am COGIC born and raised and outside of being my Pop-Pop, he was also my Pastor for my entire life. To say that I am heartbroken, would simply be an understatement.

I struggled to process this loss and I honestly struggled to accept it. I know that we say God makes no mistakes and we have all the encouraging words to give other people. However, sometimes when we are going through, we struggle to find the words. In this season of loss, I really struggled to encourage myself and I was very frustrated. I knew that this day would come one day, but I never expected it to be so soon.

My Pop-Pop was one of the greatest people that I ever had the pleasure to come in contact with. He treated everybody like somebody and I believe that he is the person that I got my outgoing personality from. He was a Bishop in the Church of God in Christ and was known all over this country. He never forgot where he came from and the people that he knew prior to the title. He was just happy to serve and to help others reach their full potential. He would recognize something in you, even sometimes before you recognized it. My Pop-Pop always had a joke, an encouraging word, a prayer, and he knew every word in the dictionary.

When my Sweetmom transitioned 5 years ago, I watched him hold it together and be the rock of the family, even though he was heartbroken. He was my hero, my personal taxi on so many occasions, my favorite cook, my Valentine for so many years, and more.

I love you so much Pop-Pop and thank you for showing me how a man should treat me, thank you for your prayers, thank you for your encouraging words, thank you for showing us how to stick together, thank you for your sense of humor, thank you for your humbleness, thank you for always being supportive, thank you for your love and just thank you for EVERYTHING. I will miss you forever but I will continue to live to make you and Sweetmom proud of the young woman that I am and the woman that I will become.

While I have seriously needed a mental reset, I believe that I am ready to continue on. I have felt stuck creatively, but I believe that God is up to something. I felt that I was in a complete season of loss just when I tried to fully commit to what I believe was my assignment from God. I loss my part-time job and I kept going, We loss our freedom and had to stay in, I loss Pop-Pop and I really struggled to keep going, and then I was notified that I was being laid off from my full-time job effective in June. I felt like loss was all around me but GOD.

Through this whole pandemic, I have been blessed that God has made a way for me. He allowed me to still be paid until the end of August and keep my benefits until then. He allowed me to get my part-time job back and work full-time this summer. Everything is not perfect but we must be grateful for the small wins. We must learn to see the beauty in spite of what it looks like. I am here to encourage the person who is struggling to see the sunshine in the rain. Hold on a little while longer because I believe that our greater is coming. I know God is up to something and he is going to see about us.

I know that we have said to throw 2020 away but I believe that God has the ability to turn things around in this second half of the year. Be encouraged and take it one day at a time. Loss is apart of life, so I can't say that we won't experience the season. I can say that God will be holding us up during the season, even when we feel like we can't make it. Be encouraged everybody and BLACK LIVES STILL MATTER!

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